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Return for her
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Today, I went back for the 16 year old version of me. It was a weird feeling. It was a bag of mixed feelings. I have a lot of healing to do. But I also feel like I am finally finding my voice in it all. I am finding that I had the voice, it came out here and there for certain things. Mainly to defend others. Now it is my time to defend me. To stand up for me. To be there for me. I may stand alone, but these two feet stand strong. They always have. They have…
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The woman
The love I have can be found It can be found in the heart in the struggle of what was in the struggle of what will be. I am in the struggle but it is over There is no longer a push and pull I will not push me any longer The love I have for me will grow. The love I have for others is protected Its protected by the heart its protected by the woman The woman who has light around. She sees me deep within She sees the depth of my soul. She sees the whole me…
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Injured
I am an injured wolf, so to speak. I have been injured but with great care for myself, I will recover and be better. I will not stay down. I will stand up and dust myself off. Check for any bleeding and start to heal. I will not continue to open the wounds that are labeled on me. So many to list and think of. So many that swirled around in my brain through the night and through the day. Always something. I still have many things to do with my life. I still have a lot of things to…
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In honor of…Mrs. Peckham
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This past week a very special person past away. My middle school English teacher fought the fight of breast cancer for over 30 years and it finally won. She was a fighter, she was the original fighter. She was the strongest woman I have ever met. Her personality was strong and tenacious and she left a deep impression on my heart. I met this Scottish woman when I was in middle school. I had heard about her. She was tough and could be mean. She was loud and others were quite afraid of her. she had a legacy of being…
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Proud
Last night I was walking back to my car from my college class. A class I have had to drop and a class that I have failed several times. The “last class.” The last class until I have earned my BA in child development. My nemesis, if you will. As I passed the very familiar tennis courts on the way to my car, a tear started to fall. A tear of pride. You see, not far, less than a quarter mile from this spot I was walking on is a park. A park that many things in my life happened…
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Wolf grin and tiger growl
I just want truth in my life. I just want to be able to get up in the morning and know that I am living my true life. I do not want to feel like I am anyone less than who I was created to be. I want to surround myself with people who will cheer me on in my journey. The truth of this life is that we are to be there for each other. I abandoned my life to help others. I abandoned thinking that my own life was important enough to show up for myself for. So…
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Poetry and inner work
It is a Wednesday and I am at the coffee shop. I have spent the last few hours working on math. The dreaded statistics class. I am glad I got as far as I could. This past weekend I explored some things on my own. I went to a play and I went to a poetry workshop. As I sit here, I see my reflection of my necklace and it says the Ho’oponono saying on it. I am very proud of where I am in my life. I am here and I am working on me. I am unapologetic about…
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Release
Release. Release those that have disappointed you. Release your past. Release all the things. So in an attempt to do just that. I write. I write about things that may have happened in a life that I have learned from but that I walk away from. I will not live there anymore. It’s time is up. Just a I sit here, the rain comes down. The rain is being released to be free to hit the earth and do its next job on earth by allowing it to make things grow. It is a circle I want to be part…
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Keep going
I sat on the couch in the home of my 8th grade English teacher. This was the second visit in the last few months with her. We sat and talked and watched one of her favorite shows she found on television. Her fiesty comments reminded me of sitting in her class so many years ago. So here was my chance to ask her some things and so I did. “Mrs. P, can I ask you a question?” She said, “sure”. “What keeps you going?” I asked. “Rage,” she said quickly. This was not the response I had anticipated. Thinking about…
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Life and thoughts
Hello and good afternoon. It is a lazy Sunday afternoon and I am at a coffee like house and I sit and listen to the music playing. Very jazz and very mellow. I would like to think that this is how my life has merged into. Mellow. The craziness of the world and what I have been through sometimes can overwealm me. The thought this morning about being okay to be sad and sit in what I need to sit in. It is not a very fun place to have to sit in. But it is necesary for complete healing.…
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Quiet Intensity 