Remembering

I remember when my children were little. Two of them have celebrated their birthdays this past week. They are adults now. They don’t run to me and tell me about their day. Those days are long gone. I miss them. I miss the identity of being a mom to them. I miss their energy and their love. I miss seeing them discover new things and become the people they are today. I miss the texts and the phone calls. I would do it all again. I would have them all and celebrate them more. I celebrated one of them with them yesterday and I am entirely grateful to be with her. It is just so hard this parenting thing. I over did it all because of the lack I got from my parents. But how do you move forward from that? How do you step back and just stop loving the children that you grew and fed with your own body? You can’t undo that. You have to wait. Wait until they figure themselves out. Wait with arms empty and heart hurting. They were never mine to have forever. They went off to figure out their lives. I should be grateful one wants to be part of my life.