Sadness

Sadness is what I feel

I long for a day

That my head does not hurt

I thought it was better

But then it wasn’t

Why won’t anyone believe me?

What happened to her?

The hurt has taken her

Much less to fight the battle with

Today I try and then tray again

Seems like a long time

The peace is there somewhere

Will this pain ever end?

Every night, I go to bed hopeful

The list of things to do the next day

Then it hits me

I wake up and the pain remains

There needs to be a shut off

Still I get up and do what I can

Get in the shower that may help

Who am I kidding, it won’t

One day the pain will go away

I will make myself do the things

The things that used to bring me joy

I will remember how it feels

I will get the desire back

Do it alone again, Heidi

Show up again for only you

No one else is coming

To meet you or see you

This is who you are to you

You know you need to rest

That brain of yours has been through hell

It serves you but not 100%

All the things you want to do

Pause

All the things you think you should do

Paused

When will this cycle end?

When will you be able to live this life?

When will the pain end?

When will the healing bring peace?

Today you struggle with hope

Today your heart feels very alone

Today Chiari has taken it from you

Tomorrow will be a new day

You must look forward and step

In to all that it could be

Do things with pain

See if you can, press past it

Wallowing doesn’t suit you

Sitting in the pool of pity

Is not where you belong

So, it hurts, do the things anyway

Your mind and body will need to live

They can’t shut down

You can’t shut down

There is so much more out there

Love and peace and joy

You know it’s there

Seek, my dear girl

You have found it before

You will find it again.