Do not come for me.

I am over it. I am over the people who let me down. I am done pretending I am okay when I am not. I will press on. I will not turn around and pick your sorry ass up. I am done. I am not that person anymore. She got me no where.

I identify so much with that young version of myself that was just trying to get by. I spent two years looking for a place to sleep, food to eat, something. I ended up pregnant, bringing a baby into my already chaotic world. Now I had to do something. I have to do something now. I have to step it up. I do not have a child relying on me. I will not even go there about my children. Put the mask on and pretend you are okay because they can not handle the truth about where their mom is. It all does not matter anyways. Pretend you are okay so that everyone around you does not have to step up and actually be there for someone else. Fuck that. Fuck all of them.

Do not come for me, Do not come wanting anything from me. I do not have it or the capacity of you anymore. I do not have the energy to give. I must invest it within to get through this time. I can not be any less that what I have within me right now. I can not. I do not care that you have to be in a fucking classroom, I did it all. Lazy ass bitch. I will not do it all again. And I will not wait for you to come for me. You are shit. You are a shitty person, a shitty waste of my time. I do not care. Maybe you think the same about me. I do not care anymore.

I will not bow down to what you think I should be. I have not even figured that out for myself. So I wait. I wait for the call where someone sees my worth. As many, countless many have seen my worth and taken it away, or I allowed it. Taken energy, taken love, nothing to show for it. I will not be that person anymore. I am more and deserve more. I do not know what my future holds. I do not know what I want to do. I am faced with many challenges. None that I can not get myself out of. It just hurts so much. So lost. I need to find my bearings and press in. I will figure it out for myself. I will be successful in a way that makes sense to only me. I will pay the bills off and I will be okay. I do not need anyone to come for me. They are not coming anyways. I have waited long enough. Time to use my energy for me and not for them anymore.