Today, I went back for the 16 year old version of me.
It was a weird feeling.
It was a bag of mixed feelings.
I have a lot of healing to do.
But I also feel like I am finally finding my voice in it all.
I am finding that I had the voice, it came out here and there for certain things.
Mainly to defend others.
Now it is my time to defend me.
To stand up for me.
To be there for me.
I may stand alone, but these two feet stand strong.
They always have.
They have carried me and they will continue to carry me through this life.
In the middle of the night, I awoke after writing this entry.
I pictured myself as I am now.
I walked into that bedroom that day when it happened.
I moved past my mother who was hurting the younger version of me.
I reached out my hand to my younger self and grabbed her hand.
She couldn’t see me at first as she was hiding her face with her hands.
The monster was just coming at her punching her.
But the punching stopped.
That little girl opened her tight shut eyes and reached out to me.
She climbed out of the small bed and put her feet firmly on the ground.
She looked over at her mother who had her head down.
She had her hand in mine and I led her out of the that room and safely out of that house.
It would be the last time she would be touched in that way by that woman.
She would never again by in that situation.
She was safe now.
She was free.
Quiet Intensity 