You ever just know that you are made for more? You look around your current circumstances and just know that there is more for you? I am there. I have been there. I look around and I am very happy about where I live and the things that surround me. A simple life where I do not have to justify anything to anyone. There was a lonliness for awhile but I am feeling less and less of it. I do not need to be validated by anyone. I have let it go. I do not feel like I need to be heard. I do not need to post so people can track me and see that I am living my life.
My life only enters into the lives of others that really care about me. My dad, a niece, a former English teacher, family friends. I spent this past Wednesday with some people that mean everything to me. They have been there for me and do not judge me in moving forward. I can be who I have been since I was 18 years old and I am okay with that. They look at me and believe in me. They look at me and smile and are genuinely happy to see me. Heck, I even got a hug. I am grateful that I have these few people that beleive in me. I do not need many.
My journey has brought me to a place where I have been on many interviews. I have done training as a caregiver and have seen what that may look like. I am grateful for the information and the training. I have seen that this company, not all companies, is very disorganized. I have dealt with it and look at it as a closed door.
I will welcome being a teacher and being the best I can be with where I am planted. I went to a school yesterday that was clean, the children were happy and healthy. The classrooms had supplies in them and the teachers looked like they were happy to be there. The director stated that there is a healthy budget and they are theme based. The director and assistant director were very nice and had a very calm energy. I have decided to move forward with whatever that looks like in that capacity. The job long term could be with Pre-K children. Something I would want. But at this point, I just want to be around the children. In whatever capacity that means. I have a gift to be with children.
When that one little one approached me about her shoes yesterday, I got caught up in her. In her interests. In her conversation. Everything that was important to her at that moment became important to me. I need that. I need that part of my life. I am working on many things in my life. Being true to who I am. I am important to the children I will teach. I am open to the thoughts and conversations, whatever those may be for me and my future. I need children and their innocence and stories just as they need mine. I am a teacher, I will always be a teacher. It is part of who I am. I will shine where I am appreciated and respected. I felt that yesterday. I felt seen and respected by those two women in the office. I am on my way. I know this is the way I am to be going.
Quiet Intensity 