Keep going

I sat on the couch in the home of my 8th grade English teacher. This was the second visit in the last few months with her. We sat and talked and watched one of her favorite shows she found on television. Her fiesty comments reminded me of sitting in her class so many years ago. So here was my chance to ask her some things and so I did.

“Mrs. P, can I ask you a question?”

She said, “sure”.

“What keeps you going?” I asked.

“Rage,” she said quickly.

This was not the response I had anticipated. Thinking about it now, I do not know what I anticipated. She surprised me with that one. But it suits her and it makes sense for this fiesty, fiery woman that I am able to call my teacher. But after that day on the couch with her, I call her friend.

The word rage signifies many things to me. It signifies my core value of fighting for what is right in this unfair world. It signifies the fire in me that will always fight for what is right for the children in my care. It signifies why I left a job for other women and how they were being treated and talked about. It signifies why I kept pursuing help for one of my students, who turns out was legally blind. The list goes on and on. But an explanation for why I am the way I am.

This woman I sat on the couch with yesterday, well she is who I look up to. Her presence in your life is amazing. She stands for what is right and does not back down. She, I am sure, has made many enemies over the years of those who do not understand her. Still, here I was sitting on the couch with someone who has always represented greatness. But on a simple human level, I respect her. I look up to her. Her tenacity always has been a driving force in my life. She influenced me more that she will ever realize.

I think about my younger daughter and her first teacher she had when she was 2 years old. I was a single mom with three children under the age of 6. I had to take them to school. My youngest daughter had this woman as her teacher who just loved on her. She embraced her daily and gave her hugs and kisses. She loved hard and without apology. She was fierce in her own right. She would not love less as the district probably told her to. I have associated her with having an impact on my daughter’s personality. I have said in the past to people how her teacher has become part of who she is. Teachers do that. This teacher’s personality impacted me as well. She is how I wanted to be to my students. I did not know at the time that I would be a teacher. God was preparing me for it all.

So back to thinking about keeping going. I am in a season of change. Some changes are new, some are ongoing. Keep going. Continue to be that spark and honestly, sometimes a flame as you never know who is watching you. I understood what my teacher said when she said rage. Rage for justice in this oh so cruel world. Rage for doing what is right. We talked about abortion and how she felt about that, and there is was again. We have been given things in life to make us stand up and fight. Fight for justice. Fight for others to have some understanding and to stand on thier feet. Not all is right in this world. When someone may think they should shrink down, that is the time to rise up. We all have been given passions and stories in our lives to make us contribute something to this world.

I have found that I say the word, perspective a lot. I have to sit back when I think about that word. I am allowed and have the freedom to say my perspective on this world. I have lived in this world and what I think matters. What I think did not matter to most. But it matters to some. I will continue to say what I need to say. I will listen when I need to, but speak up when I dont. I will be that person. I am not a confrontational person by nature. But I do this fight, or this rage to do what is right. I do have a heart for helping little ones. In whatever capacity. I know what is is like to have a happy, carefree life. Children deserve that. At the very least. I had it and I am grateful. I had the childhood, before divorce hit, that was carefree. I spent time outdoors. I spent time with my neighbors. I was able to leave my home and not come back until my mom rang the bell for supper.

I will keep going. I will not apologize for the way I feel. I have passion and life and drive and I will use that to keep going. This sweet teacher who I can now call friend, looked at me yesterday and said, “we are going to keep going.” I do not need many in this life. I have her. She earned my respect years ago at the age of 13. She is my inspiration. I will keep going.