Like

With all the things that I write about. I think it is time to write about things that I like about myself. Maybe it sounds conceited. I do not know. I feel led to build up what needs to be built up. It is all done with the hope that someone else will do the same for themself. Be inspired to see the good in the middle of the journey of life that we all know can be so up and so down.

So this day, I speak about the smile I have that can light up the room. A smile that when given to a child, can brighten their face with the same lightness. A smile that I have had in pictures showing joy since I was real little. A straight set of teeth that I got from years of wearing braces through the awkward middle school years. a smile that is what most people want to see from me and can change your outlook on life. A smile that lights up a face. I am grateful for the smile that I have. I am grateful for how when I smile, it makes me think about happy things. It makes me dance or sing.

Sing, it what makes the smile come alive. It is what makes my heart happy. It comes from the flow of my soul. Through the smile and through the face. It makes me so happy. Singing and being true to my soul and my spirit brings me peace. Dancing and singing in the car make me feel alive. It makes me feel like I am the only one in the world. I can outsing and dance the cares of the job or the stress of life. I have always loved to dance in the car. I have always loved to sing in the car. I have been able to feel safe in my car over the years. Sometimes, the car was my only place to feel safe. I have sung in the shower but have not recently, at least not over the past few years. I will return to it soon. I just know. It will flood through me again. I know I need to smile more. Been accused of having resting bitch face and I do not care for that label at all. Even when things seem bleak in my life. I can choose to have a smile and light up my whole face.

My eyes, a beautiful green that sometimes has a blue tint in it. I have been complemented over the years about my eyes. I know that my eyes are part of my beauty. My eyes disappear when I smile. A friend recently told me that when I smile, like a real smile, that is who I am. That is who I should be all the time. The smile lights up the face. Even though the eyes disappear, the eyes have this quiet intensity that can not be compared to anything else. I am not sure who I got my color of eyes from. My mom had light eyes, my dad had brown. Not sure about grandparents or anything. None of my brothers have eyes the color or mine. I am grateful to be who I am and have the eyes that I have. When I was growing through my teenage years, I had this sense of having to protect my face. Maybe it was just instinctual. But now, as an adult, I am grateful I did.

I know that my inner beauty will match my outer beauty soon enough. The me that is in there, the one who loves those she loves hard. She is in there. I do not have lines on my face from smoking or stress. The lines are on my heart and soul of all the hurt. But it is time for me to let the things on the inside come out, even if it hurts. Those that have earned that part of me, well they should see that part of me. I will not give it away to just anyone anymore. I will not. You will need to earn my trust and my respect before I pour myself out into you. Before I let you see the beauty that is within me that has always been there. That needs to come out. That needs to be there. The heart of a warrior. The heart of someone who truly loves her life and who she has become.

I do love who I have become. I have become who I have become because of what I have been exposed to and the choices that I have made and the choices that others have made. And I am so okay with that. That person who looks in the mirror and likes her tiny lines as she has lived life and she prevailed. It did not take her out like they all thought it would. I am still here. I am still shining bright and I am still smiling. I will continue to smile and smirk in this world. I will continue to smile at those that have earned the smile. I will continue to be who I am. That quirky girl that rose above so much and still has the strength to get up every day and function. But not only function. I like that I have been through a lot and still have the joy in meeting with the children I get to serve and be silly with.

I am grateful that I get to hang out with the children I am with. I get to see things through thier eyes and be part of who they are and what they are becoming every day. I like that I can be silly and play and not feel like, what is the word, embarrassed by who I am or what I am doing. I really just do not care about what others may think about me when I am in the teaching world. I get the laughs and the looks from other adults. Whatever. I will always be true and focused on the children I am with. They are always most important to me. What they say is the most important part of my time and my day. Always. I love that I have the gift of being present for the children in my care. I love that I can relate to them and plan about what they are interested in at that moment. No holds bar. No holding back. Not for them. Never for the children. They will always get the best of me. The most of me and the best part of me. I am there for them. They will know they are loved. They will hear from me how I grateful I am that they are in my class. That I get to be their teacher.

We all need to hear that we are welcome and wanted. Everyone that lives needs to hear that. It is what we need to survive on this planet that is filled with such meanness and coldness. I will continue to be gratefu for all that I can be for the people in my realm of life. I will press in and be all that I can be for those that have earned it. For the others, step aside. There are people in my life that need what I have to bring to and for them. I will be the deliverer of these things. I will look for what and who needs that presence in thier life. I will continue to smile but I will guard my heart against those that have a negative energy and do not vibe with mine. I have been gifted this sense of discernment that I have identified since I was a young twenty year old. That discernment has kept me from a lot more hurt that I know could have come my way. I like that I have it as it has kept me from lots that could have hit me hard. I can sense that along with my sense of good and bad energy or vibe.

I like that I have been gifted these things in my life and that I can stand tall and proud in knowing that I am gifted and I am unique in my life and my world with these things. I am not only unique but I am one of a kind. I can be all that I was intended to be now. I do not have the obligations of anyone or anything that can hold me back from shining right on through. Seeing the love in others, seeing the hate and avoiding it. Being true to myself on my healing journey of this life. I will continue to heal and I will continue to love on myself and be who I was always meant to be. I love that I am on this continued journey and that I am no where near done yet. I am in the process of learning so much about who I am and what I want. For myself and my dog. I am the owner of this amazing dog that I love no matter what. I love that I have such a passion for what he brings to my life. He brings that connection of the dream of being a veternarian that I have growing up. I may not be that now and I am okay with not being that. My life went a different route and I like the route it took.

I was blessed to be the mom of four children. I got to see them take their first steps and say their first words. I got to be there for them and pour all the love I had into them. They had no choice in it but I am glad God chose them to be my children. What a blessing that I can call myself a mom. I love that I have children that are figuring out what their lives should look like. I love that I can figure out what my life looks along side them. Seperately, but together. I did the best I could with what I was equipped with them. And it was more than enough. They knew I loved them and still do and they knew I would do and did everything for them. I will continue to be who I am to them in a different capacity. I am not who I was when they were little. I grew up with them. I am grateful for the precious moments that I have had with each one of my children and the moments I have yet to have with them. I am not the same mom they had growing up. I have changed, they have too. Part of this life journey we are all on.