Therapy

Oh the thoughts I have about this right now. Let me first say that over the years of my life, I have been in therapy and I think it has helped me in the past. But right now, I think society thinks that therapy is the end all be all to healing. It may be for some people. I had a recent conversation with someone that really brought up this whole need for therapy. That I need therapy. I should be in therapy.

Hmmm…my experience. About six months ago, I had started therapy with a therapist over the computer. I met with him once a week for a while and then we went to every two weeks. There was so much between visits that had changed in my ever changing life that by the time I caught him up, it was time for the visit to be over. I can not tell you that he offered advise or challenged me to do anything but spend time investing on myself. It was good advice. Since I am the only person I have to take care of, it just made sense that I would take care of myself.

So I started trying to do things I like. This was in between my times of studying and writing papers for my school. It did not come easy for me to do the things for myself. I was not in an ideal living situation to start doing some of these things. Who knew I had things I liked to do?

I think therapy can be good for some people. I think it can be helpful for some people. But I also strongly beleive that a good friend or friends can be more beneficial than a therapist. Because let’s be real, you can lie about your life to a therapist, pretend everything is okay and just wear the mask. I think most people can do this. There is a shame and guilt that is dumped on you when you do this. Who wants to admit when they are weak or have done something they shouldn’t have? I do not be corrected, I already live in enough shame and guilt about my life. I do not need some therapist telling my way of thinking is wrong. I am doing the best I can. I am learning more about me every day I am on this thing called a planet. I make mistakes like everyone else. I do not need someone to add another layer of judgement and opinion to my life.

I also think that a therapist does not have an investment in your life. They are being paid to just listen to you. Something any good friend would do for you. You don’t have to answer to a therapist, you just live your life. I know when I was close to talking to mine again, I would actually think about all the things I would not say to him as I did not want his opinion. Do not get me wrong, I did have a connection with him. But I did not need his judgement. Just like I do not need the judgement of a friend telling me what I should or should not be doing in my life. I also do not know the personal life of the therapist, I do not know if they struggle with the same things that I do. I know nothing about them other than they went to school and became a therapist. Going to school doesn’t make you a good anything. It gives you education and a grade. It helps you learn but it is never the same as hands on experience. You do not get that by walking someone through their journey. You get that by living the journey. Making the hard choices, doing the best you can with the brain God gave you.

Therapy did help me at a time when I was going through a big change with how I looked at my mother many years ago. I had a therapist that was no nonsense and kept it real with me. She told me that I had to let some shit go about my mother and gave me a different perspective on that relationship. That therapist was the only one who really told me like it was. I was grateful. She also gave me permission to walk away from the toxicity of the relationship with my mother and told me I was okay with that decision. This was not what the world was telling me. This was not what the church was telling me. This was something I had to do to save my sanity and not live in a toxic relationship with the woman who gave birth to me. Could I have figured it out on my own? Yes, I would have. But I am grateful for the realness and transparency of the therapist I had at the time.

I do not think you have arrived if you have gone to therapy for so many years or months or whatever. Just like I do not think that if you are on antidepressants you will never deal with depression. I do not think therapy is for everyone. I do not think therapy overall is going to cure whatever you are going through. I would have been happier to have a friend walk with me through the past years than to have to deal with all the factors in working with a therapist. Hiding the guilt and shame and not being real. But if I am honest, none of my “friends” know what is going on with me at this point in my life either. Another topic.

You take what works and leave what doesn’t in your life. It is your life afterall. There is a season for things to happen and decisions that need to be made. You have to figure out what works for you and then move the fuck on! We can not stay stuck in the same place, the same holding pattern. If you, like me, have little or now friends, I encourage you now to try something new or a new place or new anything until you meet your people. Those people and those energies are out there, just waiting to find you too. But they can not find you if you are home alone in your misery. I am learning this first hand in my own life. Be bold, move forward, and be brave. Your life is waiting for you.