What does blogging mean to me?

In an effort to clarify what blogging means to me, let me post a blog about it. I am not here and doing this for any other reason but to work on my own healing. I do not need sympathy or compassion for what I have been through. Everyone is struggling with something in their journey.

Journaling has been a place of dumping of everything for me since I was a teenager and living with my mom. I started it when I was in my young teens and have continued over the years. My ultimate goal is that it would help someone not feel so alone in thier own journey of this thing called life.

But at this time in my life, I need closure of certain things. I write to dump it all out. Take what you want and leave the rest. This is my story and I am the only one that can tell it. I was there, I felt all the feels, good and bad. I want to share in order to heal. Truly that is my heart. I want to heal, I need to heal and I deserve to heal. It is my time. In my process, maybe something will help you to think of what healing looks like to you. I can not predict that. But I know that this is the time that I can lay to rest and discover what was so I can move forward into what will be in my life. You really have to settle your past in order to move on.

This blog will get deep. I plan to be very transparent. I do not need to know if you agree with me, as I have been wrong about a lot in my life. But my heart is still beating and there is still life in me, each day is a new day. Each day is a new chance to heal or discover how things really were when I break them down into pieces. I desire peace in my heart above all else. I think about the things I will need to blog about to bring healing and if I am honest, it is a scary place to be. Vulnerable, open to criticism. Exposed. I can not let those fears hold me back anymore.

Those fears can not overtake my freedom in being comfortable in my own skin. The source of many of my issues is not longer alive, her lack of presence in my life is felt. The need to hide in shame and guilt because of her is gone. She lost control of that many years ago, but I held it tight with all that I had. Living as a woman in shame and guilt. It is time to let it go. This is now way to live a life. It is not really living now is it? I am not free but can see how I can be. It is a long road but I know what steps I need to take. Come on this journey with me. Learn with me, fall with me. The end result will be amazing, I know this.