Words

Well here I am again, wanting to write. Wanting to be heard even through a small space called the internet. Truth is I have a lot of words in me. A lot to say. I want to be heard. I want to write a book about my life and publish it and help people understand how I was led to live my life. I would say my life has been hard in every way. I do not sugar coat that nor do I bow before it and surrender. Life has not been easy, but everyone is going through life. No one gets out of it.

It has been almost a year since I posted the last time. I have so much in me to say, to be heard. So many things have happened but then so little has happened. I am to the point where I want to live my life. Create a life for me. Create friends that will walk with me and I with them. It is my chance for a new life. A life filled with fun and laughter. Something I have wanted my entire life. And it is my life and all that I create it to be. I will be happy again. I will find the love through friendships and life that will sustain me. I will be able to figure out the things that make me smile and feel content. I know I will as I have not gotten there yet and life is not about suffering all the time. It is my time.

I will learn to love me for the first time ever in my life. I will come first as I am all I have. I have waited long enough. I am 49 years old. I do not know what my life consistency is but I know I have waited to live life for far too long. I want to laugh. I want to dance. I want to be free of feeling watched and judged by others. I do not care anymore. I will not be forced or pushed. But I will live. I will experience life and I am grateful I can. I will conquer my depression and I will start to thrive in my life. No turning back and no regrets. That is it. Live life to the fullest and no turning back. I will be who I was intended to be before life happened to me. I will be that carefree youth that I once was. I will not be afraid. It is my life to live.