Available

I have always been available to my children for whatever they needed. I have also always been available for others when they need me. Offer to help with anything even if I knew it would hurt me or take time away from things I needed to do. What has it gotten me? I can count my friends on one hand. I can count the people who are actually there to listen on one hand. And my children are not counted in on that list. None of them helped me move. None of them. I am over it. I am not going to be available to just anyone. If you do not have time for me in your life. I have better things to do.

This all came about after this last move and the realization is that my children are not there for me. They do not need to be. They do not have to be there for me. My ties to them when they turned 18 years old changed. They are making thier own choices and they have chosen to treat me as an afterthought. I did my responsibility by raising them and encouraging them to be the best they can be. I am not responsible for their choices now or since they turned 18 years old. I am not the fall out guy or the one who will pick up their pieces and hand it back to them with a pretty little bow. I am not the person that will fix it anymore. I have enough to deal with my own stuff and my own life.

I am grateful for my divorce as it showed me just how much I do for other people. I can not anymore. I will not anymore. If you do not want to be part of my life, your choice. I can not make you have time for me. You are released from any and all responsibility to be kind and include your mom in your life. Thier choice. I am not here for them to just take anymore. I am not that person. I am not an afterthought, a maybe. I am not that person. I will move forward and move on with my life. And I will be okay with or without them. I was okay before I had children and I will be okay by myself without them. It will all work out.

I am available to things that give me joy and help my healing. I am not available to anything less than that at this time. Friends that will help me heal and push me to grow. This is what I need in my life right now and this is what I am available to.