Yesterday while I was in the classroom at the preschool, I sat down on the floor. I sat on my knees away from any children just to watch what they were doing and to be at their level. One of the newer children to the preschool came over and sat in my lap. He said no words, just sat down. I wrapped my arms around him and just held him. He had known me less than a month but spent most of his day at the preschool. We didn’t exchange words as none were necessary. In the moment, I was blown away that this child felt that comfortable with me to just come over and sit in my lap. He had no fear or no other motive. He just wanted to be near me and feel safe and loved.
This morning when I was up and spending time with the Lord, He reminded me of what had taken place at the preschool the day before. He told me that He is like that with me. He waits for me. The God who created me, picks me up and holds me when I cry and feel oh so alone and unsafe. His comforting arms are the only arms that bring me to a safe place. He has always been my safe place. God has never been out of reach for me. As I can be like Jesus to the children left in my care, my God will be there for me.
Today was a rough day, national daughters day was yesterday. I have no current pictures of my daughters as they have moved on and out of my life. I miss my daughter, Kayla so much. Her not speaking to me is so hard. It makes me feel so worthless and alone. So I say a prayer that the same God who holds me when I feel unsafe and alone will hold her when she feels so unsafe and alone. I pray the same for my mother, who has disowned me and will most likely never post any acknowledgment of my existence to the world.
I know I have made many mistakes in my life. I face them daily. But I do know that the God that made the stars in the sky so unique and individual also made me. He made me with such passion and such drive that not many fully understand who I really am. I will not be any less than He has for me. I know I will always have a place in His lap, and He will always be with me.
Quiet Intensity 